irrational

i have an anger issue. big one. if i get upset, even just a little, i go full out, as if you havent notice. and the scary part is that i really can't control it until i resolve it on my own terms, and it's mostly irrational. but hey, it calms me the fuck down. im not trying to excuse myself; im telling you how it's done lately.

have you ever been extremely upset that you don't care if you sound stupid or not, because the small dilemma you were dealing with suddenly became this big one because you made it as one and someone else tells you to chill and that your blowing out of proportion, well i HATE hate hate that person for telling me so BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW IT'S DUMB AND I DONT NEED THE PERSON TO REITERATE MY THOUGHTS AND MAKE Me feel inferior. all i want to do is fucken rant, which im doing so perfectly well here, and if i want an advice or a put down, then i'd ask, but in the meantime, stfum.

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i wish there was someone out there that is going through the same friggin ordeal im going through, so i can check myself if im too hard or too lenient on myself. i really wish there was a self guide book for this matter. we've all been taught how to find answers and for this situation, there's really no definite answer which makes me maad.

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learning chinese characters makes me tiiiiired.

the thoughts do count

i said what i wanted to say, and now i can move on.

i think the point of me writing my previous message was me hoping for the other to let me have this one, whether it makes sense or not. and i thought about me in the other person's position and whether if i ever would let me have a go in this one. i hope that i do have a sixth sense to let go of a petty arg when someone is just acting out because s/he is deeply in pain and sorrow.

i realize that college does not teach you real life's shit, and it's not really suppose to. it's an area where you act like a sponge and the one who can soak up the most water wins. it's more like a bubble where day to day small problems are in the top of my concerns, such as homework and annoying roommates, and annoying roommates who steal food. college is like a safe haven for me, which i miss greatly.

i just finished watching knight and day movie and it's pretty good. i like the humor. i can't wait for the movie easy A.

i've been thinking a lot lately about getting a tattoo. i want one. a tattoo in text format. i prefer something plain and small font. i think i want 'good grief' and/or a quote on my arms.

lately

the utilities bills are pretty pricey

im fucking ranting... bills are an issue currently

and iono if its better if they move out or not. we'd be paying less bills and eating less salty shitty food for sure.