twenty two

i am 22 today. i am eternally grateful to have such a great mother, i wished i would have known that from the start and expressed it more outwardly to her. i hope i can one day do the same.

hello

i think i want to start a new blog or whatever cuz whenever i come back here, it's a place i dont want to come back to. it's full of senseless frustration and i want to be apart from it. it's a constant reminder of who i became this past summer and i dont want to be that person anymore.

i want to start fresh. i want to be a happier person despite what happened to me and my family. i took advantage of my humdrum steady life, so now im grateful of what i had and have right now. i hear people say that my mother has it tough right now because they know that she is fully conscious of what all has happened to her, and they pity her, saying that it would be better if she did not know anything at all.

well, i'm selfish. i want her to know everything that had and has happened to her, bad and good, even though the majority is bad. i know ignorance is blissful, but for this situation, i dont know how i should feel. i want the best for my mother, so i'll take down whatever road is best for her. i just hope i don't lose my sanity along the way.