hello and good morning. according to my horoscope, 7-9 am are my power time. and it's 7:17 am as of now.
im currently halfway through eat pray love. juliet roberts is the woman to watch. in the movie, she narrated, be prepare for the waves of transformation. something along that line. and that statement i must reflect upon or else i might break myself in the end. i need to really let go. i really want to! let go of this hold i have on nothing and completely free my mind.
so here, im gonna write a rough draft letter to my mother:
dear mama,
can you believe it? what has become of us. i think about it every night before i head into deep sleep. it's a real nightmare that slowly fades away yet occurs when the day gets colder, and the sky darkens, and the streets quiet down. i feel like my life force has evaporated into thin air each passing day with you not by my side; it's been almost 6 months having this awful feeling.
i know you're in pain mama, but i couldn't and wouldn't fathom what you're actually going through. i too am in pain. im in a constant battle with myself and the world. this is hard for me to say outloud, but i want you to know that my love for you will never die and i am not giving up on you. the funny thing is that, i realized now that i gave up on myself a while back.
i need to wake up out of my slum and start living before i kill myself over this. what im doing is not good for the both of us, and im sorry. fear has really brought me to my knees. i need to learn how to stand again, on my own this time, and with your resounding advices and help from our love ones, i will walk again. i know you didnt raise me to be in my current position so im going to make you proud so that one day, you can be besides me.
