first day sucks

it ain't even school yet and i dread going back
i have to metrolink back
and buy another copy of the key to the apt
and then mope and cry myself to sleep for at least one day from tues
and then class begins
sad face
i dont even know what class i have on thurs
nor fri
no mon tues weds
but i do know i have enough classes to keep me engaged at work
FRICK
i have to work
i have to do eft
blah

so my uncle came back from china today. he smokes. this means i'll be smelling smoke everytime i go back home for the weekend. gross. he's like the only person in my family who has a definite black lung. gross. i hope he soon realize what danger he is doing to himself and to the environment.
so i bought these american eagle green high heel shoes a few weeks back and i still havent worn them out yet! i will one day. i just need a dappy skirt to wear it with. then all else will just fall into place perfectly.

yays phelps

i like sad songs
such as tears of heaven by eric clapton
so sad

i took a chem midterm today
and i did aite
with some help

anywho
before the exams were passed out
my prof said something very wise today
he said: "everyday i wake up, i think to myself that today might be the day that i died, but only for a little while and for the rest of the day, i do not think about it that much and i try not to let the little things get to me, and also because I don't care."
you see, ive been having a small, rather GIGANTIC grudge on the ice-cream-fug-eater-girl for a couple of days now. and once i heard what my prof professed, i felt so silly and at that moment (before 9:45 a.m. today), i decided to fully let it go.
what my prof said was masterful (i wish you were there with me because you can tell he's a good storyteller) but its funny that, that is how i realize how stupid ive vented to my dear co-workers in the past few days.
i know sometimes i get into tiny fits and it takes a while for me to calm down and think reasonably. but today is a very special day because i have acknowledged my own senselessness through another who does not know about my ice-cream dilemma. the end.

go usa women hurdlers!

im just sad

i need a lot of down time
so i took a nap
and now im aite
still a little down, but whatevers.
my friend, who i looked up to and respect, made a decision to leave my apt. because my current fellow roomies felt this and that.
piece of shit.
of course i wanted her to stay, i insisted, but i knew she left because it was the best for everyone. i guess im selfish that i wanted her to stay because she was my very good friend and that I will not be seeing her so often since she already graduated from college. I just wanted to hold on to her before she leaves for good. plus she was the person who made living here more enjoyable and livable.

----
i hate meetings. apt. meetings.
i told my friend about it, but she grabbed all of her stuff and left. ahaha. so typical of her.
and so one of my roomie was like blah blah blah be honest and open, blah blah.
and i was just eating my quiznos sandwich, and TRYING very hard to not cuss out on her.
i just smiled a little bit and didn't really interact. i dont really care anymore.
one down, eleven months to go.

im crazy tired

i think im becoming more delirious as i continue to paint in my apt all day and all night today. very sad indeed. i hear faint fireworks. more sad. i notice that i sweat a lot when i paint, especially near my butt area. i hate it.
i went to smell melissa's coffee beans just so my olfactory senses are balanced and actually, it helped. i havent been eating a lot today since ive been freaking painting. ITS SO DAMN TEDIOUs. i have to get it done before i go back home manana, as i planned.
i freaken planned out earlier today late evening that i would arrive back home but i could not because i was still very behind on my project. now im just halfway. im planning to stay up till 2 am? maybe.

Dear Wendy

i need a bed and a table/desk for my new apt.
i moved some of my stuff to the apt today and found out that melchan had already set up her nice bed.
i read mechan's fb note and she said that she's super excited in decorating the place and that she's gonna invite ppl over for dinner parties. so jerome and i are planning to quietly invite ourselves and eat the appetizing chip and dip.

i wanna eat some ice cream later on today. when you and johana do sleep-over, come-over, whatever-over to Irvine, I MUST TAKE YOU GUYS TO Strickland's ice cream shoppe. its delish my fiend. trust.

well, i am feeling much better now; i still have some loogey, but its all good.

i went to the farmer's market in irvine today and it was fuuun. free samples of fruits and all. im planning to eat more healthier - like cutting down on eating the refine/junk/fast food and eating more green food. since the farmer's market is located near my new apt, i'll be sure to visit the market every saturday morning and buy organic good food. i felt like an alien at the fmarket b/c there's so many white ppl there. and white sellers too. Back home, I'll sometimes go to the fmarket in Alhambra and well you know, mainly Chinese people there. and hispanics too. hehe.
i bought frozen tamales at the fmarket. its okay.

anywho im still uberly excited for the new room annnd now i must open the books and start studying.
see you soon

p.s. i called my parents last night and they sound as if they were cool with each other. but i need to see it with my own eyes. i must admit, me crying over my parent's argument is very scary to me, before i refused to let it affect me, but i guess now, i am trying to open up my vulnerable side because I have been guarding myself way too long. i'll be okay. trust.

i am just tired today

I have a stomach ache. I think I am pretty much sensitive to mostly everything. I get carsick, airsick, seasick, you name it, I might have or will get it. Lately, when I eat out at restaurants I have never been before, I get a stomach because I am not used to the food’s flavor, which made me think about my traveling plans. If I am unable to stomach food here, how can I possibly do it out there? So I feel a bit down for not being able to be spontaneous because I worry about my health; so I guess this means I am sort of a planner, no more spur of the moment shit. Gosh how I miss those days. Maybe I thought I was one of the people who can spontaneously do whatever the shit they want, but I have been trained to plan and do the stuff I plan. Lately, I have been lagging on the do-ing part. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fun person, but I do need a lot of down time for me to refuel. Sometimes I feel like going out, but I really want to just stay in and stay in my little niche. I am not me two or three years ago, where I was free-spirited and self-unconscious.

So today I went out with my fabulous friends to watch sex and the city. Great, yet very long movie. I was not accustomed to the timing since I am so used to watching 30 minutes clips of the television show. Near the end of the movie, my mom called me and I rejected it (of course) and I burst out crying. Her call reminded me of what I was trying to ignore in the past two weeks – my parent’s soon to be divorced. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I did not know that it really pierce my heart, its heart-wrenching. I’ll just have to keep telling myself its worth it in the long run. I will not have to hear them fuss about each other, to each other. I guess I cried because I know timing for me right now just sucks. I have finals very soon. I will not get any dibs in my future living arrangement ( I want out). And I still have a stomach ache.

I am seriously tired of having this cold war with her. Fuck contract. If I really cannot stand them, then im going to move out and wish them the best of luck. I do not want to live with them at this moment. I felt so screwed, so lost, that I just needed one thing to hang on to, to have one thing go my way. Like I said, I am just tired. I do not want to willingly give in. We’ll see.

Its almost twelve. And I haven’t started on my paper.

divorce coming up!

i accepted it
i do not tolerate her current, cynical attitude
its pitiful to see a person being driven away from their main goal by desiring to hurt the other person back
i do not know whom to follow, but if i had to pick and if my finance situation was better, i'd go out and live alone. maybe live in irvine for the remaining years just because at this point, I want to finish school and get my degree. im not sure about my brother, maybe he can go and live with somebody else.
all i know is that out of this divorce, i will be screwed at this moment, but i will not let it screwed up my future.