another sad posting

so i failed my physics lab. and the majority of the class got a C average. i thought i did well, well enough to ask my instructor if he accidentally mistyped my score online. fucken sad man. sad because i thought i passed. so i will check out my failure later on in the week.

maybe im not cut out for lab stuff. i am interested in going into research, but profs are only going to judge me on my poor grades. so maybe just do office work as a career? now im more sad, that my career options are limited due to me sucking at labs. haha

i was on victoriasecrets.com earlier and wanted to buy my sorrows away, but then i realize i aint got the money to squander my sadness away, so i decided to suck it up but i can't help moping around the house.

i keep telling myself that i shouldnt let this stupid class get me down, but i compare all the labs i've taken, and so that gets me down too. haha. i am such a sad case today.

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happier news
my bro cooked pretty well today
my cousins are here!
and my momma is doing mucho better!! that always makes me happy. =]

and i like my hair today. and i shaved. so im feeling good.

tired.

i've been running back and forth this whole week.
im sad, and stressed.
the skin around my fingers are peeling away
i forget that school is still in session

im annoyed when ppl assumes my mom is out of the hospital
hello???? she just had neurosurgery, surgical procedure involving the brain area, the central focus of the body??? does anybody make that fucken connection??

so i made up my mind, im not going to summer school. i think i'll work 3 days out of the week during summer time

im grateful to my cousin and my aunts and uncles who visits my mother, that means a lot to me, even though i don't say it out loud.

in the meantime, my mind is wrapped all over my mom's case. so i dont really give a fuck about anybody or anything else's problems. sounds selfish, but i say it like it is, i dont have any ounce of energy for anyone/-thing else.

brain flooded's brainstormings

need to call uncle ben to help me care for momma

uci or nearby college?
uci - can work, long drive, see uci fiends, not sure about housing
nearby college - SUPER CLOSE
but i need to make some money man, so uci it is i suppose

need to make barry work too since momma is gonna be out for a while

sooo should i still pay for rent at uci? my stuff is still there. i have lots of shit. move it all back home??? need to borrow uncle's truck? worse comes to worse, ask dad. don't want to. possibly leave mattress at uci since im moving into cornell soon
am i even gonna stay at uci housing for a little bit? is it worth it?
how long will it take for my momma to recover?

hmm or maybe go to elac july 6 - aug 7th--- iono if possible, didnt complete requisites
go to work in the meantime earn cash so can pay off utilities and food money
wow
this is grown up stuff

barry has summer school, he's gonna be busy man
MEE TOO!!
iono if he can handle school, work, volunteer, and caring for momma

must prioritize
we can do it
we can handle it
nothing but a thang to do do bedobedoo

okay so i'll weigh out my pros and cons later

first, must see when momma is good to go out of the hospital.

wish i had a frd to help me and sort this out with me

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aunt spoke with me earlier, and i could hear her worrisome voice, and i dont blame her, i cant make a decent herbal drink
need uncle ben's and scott's help.

week 1: black and blue

didn't get into big muddy
so im looking forward to the other ones
if my plan A wont work, then plan B is go to summer school and learn a language and volunteer my time, and go to the beach a lot more than usual =]
so no matter what, there's always something to look forward to

tik tok on the clock, and the party isn't here

meet yves klein, a magnificently bizarro artist and

here's me starting to work towards what i wished for
finally!

wednes evening

i forgot my t.j. bought hummus at work
and need to do my envir geo hw tonight
b/c
it's due 2mrw =] morning

and im gonna apply for my internship for sure now
got my reccs down!!!!!!
i've been running all around campus today and email is the best invention ever. next to slice bread. and dildos.

for my sculpture project,
i'm going to --------- school property
AND I CANNOT WAIT!!!!
im so glad I talked to my TA about it earlier

dearest wendy

Thank you for being there. Thank you for listening. Thank you for answering the question I could not answer myself.
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Despite the shit I went through recently, as strange as this might sound, I'm glad. I am walking forward and never to look back. What I realized after the events made me strong enough to comfort my mom of what is about to happen later on this year. I told her about never looking back and never think about the 'what if' scenarios because it only tears and wears her down.

and she thanked me.

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today was truly a fairytale.