I have a stomach ache. I think I am pretty much sensitive to mostly everything. I get carsick, airsick, seasick, you name it, I might have or will get it. Lately, when I eat out at restaurants I have never been before, I get a stomach because I am not used to the food’s flavor, which made me think about my traveling plans. If I am unable to stomach food here, how can I possibly do it out there? So I feel a bit down for not being able to be spontaneous because I worry about my health; so I guess this means I am sort of a planner, no more spur of the moment shit. Gosh how I miss those days. Maybe I thought I was one of the people who can spontaneously do whatever the shit they want, but I have been trained to plan and do the stuff I plan. Lately, I have been lagging on the do-ing part. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fun person, but I do need a lot of down time for me to refuel. Sometimes I feel like going out, but I really want to just stay in and stay in my little niche. I am not me two or three years ago, where I was free-spirited and self-unconscious.
So today I went out with my fabulous friends to watch sex and the city. Great, yet very long movie. I was not accustomed to the timing since I am so used to watching 30 minutes clips of the television show. Near the end of the movie, my mom called me and I rejected it (of course) and I burst out crying. Her call reminded me of what I was trying to ignore in the past two weeks – my parent’s soon to be divorced. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I did not know that it really pierce my heart, its heart-wrenching. I’ll just have to keep telling myself its worth it in the long run. I will not have to hear them fuss about each other, to each other. I guess I cried because I know timing for me right now just sucks. I have finals very soon. I will not get any dibs in my future living arrangement ( I want out). And I still have a stomach ache.
I am seriously tired of having this cold war with her. Fuck contract. If I really cannot stand them, then im going to move out and wish them the best of luck. I do not want to live with them at this moment. I felt so screwed, so lost, that I just needed one thing to hang on to, to have one thing go my way. Like I said, I am just tired. I do not want to willingly give in. We’ll see.
Its almost twelve. And I haven’t started on my paper.
3 comments:
linda, dear. stop worrying about this situation. who am i to tell you this. i dont know how you feel, but it would be nice if you stopped being so down. its not good for you. stress gives pimples and white hair :o).. dont be depressed. look at things on teh bright side. see it from how you saw it three years ago, when you wanted to get the drama through with. tell me what about this issue saddens you... let me try to find a way around it :o)
btw. its hard being a student with a mother who only respects careers in the mdeical feild. bc she thinks those are teh only worthy professions. f-that. :o(
i just read your comment :o)
i love it! it made me feel muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh better. we're always rethinking.... thats rgiht. rethinking and imagining teh better. and upgrading!
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