eminem - beautiful

so i've watched more movies. harry potter goblet of fire, 500 days of summer, julie and julia, and father of the bride ( yeah, i finally have the movie!!).

so a couple of days ago, after midnight-ish, i thought my plan was crystal clear - to metrolink my way down to downtown LA to see my dear friend right before she leaves and then afterward, will return back to irvina. i did make it to the train station. i did board it.but i had this awful gut feeling that I shouldn't have gone - that this plan is gonna invisibily blow up in my face, and i was right.

Friend, if you are reading this, i'm sorry again to have put you AND especially myself through this insane meet up. I havent heard nor seen you all summer, and I crazy missed you. This is what happens when my heart grows fonder, is that even a word?

Upon arrival and impatiently waiting for her arrival, and fidgeting my phone, I became restless and angry. I was not upset that she was late, actually, I was a little, but the fact that I have blinded myself and her giving me, shall i say illusion, to what we have, but the proper phrase is: what we used to have.

Referencing 500 days of summer, I am the hopeless loverboy, and she is the so called heartbreaker. It has become so damn clear to me yesterday - I love her more than she does to me, or something along that line. I've been caught up with my liking to her joyful spontaneity and lame yet witty charm, that I don't see how she sees me, now. I know, i know, she is just a friend, but knowing me, I value long-term relationship, so this was a big one to me.

Let me break it out to you: If I was really her friend, I would've been updated about her whereabouts, by her, not through a mutual friend (its not that hard to facebook). If I was really her friend, she wouldn't leave me hanging (again, facebook).

ANd all this time, boy do I feel foolish. All these pieces are adding up. haha, im such a genius in solving this puzzle.

I don't regret ever meeting her. She was a huge part of my high school days. so I wish her the best in whatever she pleases. It's hard to let go, but I'm doing it and living my life to my wishes.

If you're curious if we did actually meet up, we did; 15 minutes or so. I appreciate her going along with the plan, I just wish she wasn't so damn nice, its pretty inconsiderate, you know? haha. SO yesh, my farewell to her was the end of my little fantasy, of what little we have left, of it.

Riding back to Irvina, I have this NEW profound love for the friends I have acquire, for the ones I still have around - and I have to go through this much trouble to realize what I have. Now this I don't regret. Good night.

btw, my right jaw area is always twitching up, it kinda hurts. the freaken removal of my wisdom teeth triggered this slight pain. my mother told me that lately, she hears me grinding my teeth!! insane!!