IM ALMOST DONE WITH MY PAINTIING!!!

I'LL provide pics later.

almost almost

its almost my 21st bday
im not as almost done with my senior exhib
my senior exhib deadline is almost coming
finals are almost here

but what's here as of now is the bought rubber rain booties
they're lovely
and forest green colored
just lovely

im thinking maybe if work on my painting mw 1-5, then i do not have to go back to irvine on my bday to work on it, but probably the next day, which is a saturday
its due next monday =]
im pretty psyche

i took my physics midterm II
and i think i did aite
i think
i wasnt so anxious like the first time around
i sure hope my effort reflects on my score

im watching brothers & sisters. its late. 1.24 AM

"face the truth. it takes so much energy running away from it."

i have this invisible weight on my shoulders. its gonna be week 7 and i didnt even start painting for my senior ex. yet. i don't even have a set idea --- not even a drawing on ppr. ugh, my vision is so damn unclear. or its all up in the air, that i dont even know where to begin. i should just lock myself in a room and hopefully get something down, on paper.

and i really want to excel in physics. im not saying it cuz just to have something in mind, im saying it so i can really prove to myself that im smart enough to get an A on something sciency/math related. I always get Cs. there i said it. i want it badly. and um, i got a C for my midterm grade. im still angry with myself. i studied man, but not enough. i want to stay on top of physics and i want to produce a great masterpiece for my ex. and

ugh, dont get me started on my drawing class. i think i have so much on my hands, i cant hold it all. but i need to stop whining, and start doing something, at a more efficient, speedier pace.

so as for 2mrw,
i will
buy color pencils
take roomie's bf to metrolink
get a fucken masterful sketch down once and for all
finish ch 25 problems
cont on my response ppr
sketch my 'perspective' drawing
and poop =]

I WANT TODAY TO BE OVEEEEEEER!!!

I HATE MY DRAWING CLASS!

prof gave me a rough critique
so i didnt follow directions
because first they were confusing
and second of all, i didnt go to class last thursday
so fuck the professor.

i asked her to clarify what she said, and she got upset at me for that? i should be the one who gets mad! sure i didnt go to class last thurs and therefore missed out on her directions, but that doesn't give her the right to embarrass me in front of my peers. i didnt know shit!!

look, if prof told me in the beginning that i didnt follow directions and not waste any of our time, fine, i get it, i won't be upset about that.
but she put the spotlight on me and made me look like the blubbering idiot.
i don't even understand the fucken assignment, i don't do abstract art. i do realism.
i wanna run out of the classroom. i was gonna tear up so bad, but i held it in until after 1 hour and 30 more mins of class left and after my physics discussion i had after.

it's exhausting to hold it all in. i didnt wanna look like more of a wimp to my peers, i should've stood up to prof, but i didnt, i was shocked at her uncalled manners.

i shouldve said: the reason why many of my peers ask the same dumb ol question is because they do not understand it!! if one, and another, and more people dont get it, then you are at fault, not us! fuck and i wasnt in class last thurs, how many times should i say it!?

prof later in class asked me i were in class last thurs, UMM NO DUMB SHIT, CUZ I DID THE STUFF YOU TOLD THE CLASS LAST THURS TO NOT DO. jeez. i dont mind that she has her favorites, whatever, i can suck it up, but ugh, i will not tolerate her putting me down. i wanna punch her in the neck.