le sigh.

meet kylie minogue's boytoy/fiance, andres velencoso.

le sigh.

chinese food

so today i attempted to cook cabbage chow fun, and it was aite. so next time, i will try to cook beef chow fun.
my next mission
stir fry some garlic with snow pea veggies
i need to get me some rice wine

update on movie

i did not get to finish watching "new in town" b/c the dialogue somehow in part two was in spanish.
so im thinking to netflix

helium air balloon, movie night

i rode in the orange county helium air balloon at night doing a ess independent project!! i will go back 2mrw to resume work. =]


i watched the movies in order from last to first
i absolutely loved watching he's just not that into you with my friends and the audience at HIB 100. everybody was so into the movie, loooooved it!!
i fell in love with watching some kind of wonderful - i dont understand the title though, but the main guy has lovely hair
and i always wanted to watched new in town, not finished though

looking back

meet maggie q. she is very pretty.

so since i watched all of the shows' season finale, i decided to watch some good ol hong kong movies, and i saw lady iron chef =]

and i havent opened my atm book yet =]]
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okay, so a couple days ago, i was sobbingly ugly and angry. at myself. that i was not able to meet my expectations. boy am i rough on myself. it really was not a big deal b/c there was another metrolink, but scheduled at 6 pm... i couldve taxi-ed my way there. and i had a lovely time with everybody this weekend, even though some plans didnt go through smoothly. and my mom was graciously patient with my impatience - haha. i grudgingly apologized to her b/c i was trying to figure out why the hell i was giving a fit. its like she understood what im going through which is amazing, i wondered if i'll ever have the endurance to uphold myself to my kids someday.

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last night, i browsed the internet for hydrothemal vents internship AND I FOUND One, at columbia univ. im not sure if it is only for students there. its summer internship. im hoping i can do it next summer
shoot, i have to prepare my study abroad soon, im afraid i will get food nasea
and i need to buy some bras wendy.

im home

my eyes are bugged out
my skin is healing
i need to reapply sunblock every 2 hours

still listening to troubles , good deed list 1

i woke up in time and arrive to my internship in time
met some cool people
bill knows my name
ate amazing food at gallo's
had fun with hannah even though we had to do hard labor
washed dishes
packed and ready to go
sunburn is taken care of
cooked delicious pancakes

and will apologize to my mother
and be thankful for friends i have
and to kick myself in the butt
and to move on to happier days

trouble, set me free . . . i just have to go there

8th week of spring 2009

i watched ugly betty season 2 hour finale ayer
and its bittersweet to the very end;
betty is a wreck b/c two guys are pulling her heart string
matt is a wreck b/c his first love failed him and become very unbecoming
henry is a wreck b/c he is hot shit and is with the wrong person
daniel is a wreck b/c the love of his life passed away
marc is a wreck b/c he never seem to catch a break
claire is a wreck b/c she is reminded of her other child
justin is a wreck b/c he did not get into the school of his dreams

and i am too a wreck
not only from watching such heart wrenching tv episodes
but seeing only failure today; i missed the metrolink. If I only had less fear of upsetting Bill, then I would have made it in time, If I had not eaten at Gallo's, I would have made it in time, If i had not wasted five minutes in trying to figure out the street direction, I would have made it, If I had not made any damn plans with ppl back in the city, then I would not have stressed about it, If I had only put myself first, I would not be in this terrible situation and be agitated with myself.

Lately, I have been putting up shit from others and I let it go and not make a big deal out of it, but it is a big deal. a BIG DEAL. when are things going to go in my own terms? why do i always think about other people rather than my own needs? I always thought I was selfless this way. perhaps this means that i find value in my life through others as a reminder that it is still worthy to live. or possibly this means i rather focus on other people than my owns because thinking about my life in the pp&f is unbearable. you know i had a difficult adolescent time that i am still unable to get over and that i believe i am going to find a job that i hate but need in order to support my separated parents, shy ridden brother, and susan.
gandalf form lotr said: "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"
which g means to say is to not ponder on what led to the situation, but to deal with it. however, i cant stop wondering about the past because it is the only thing i know. i acted like a huge brat to my mother over the phone because I wanted to be angry at her because it was unreasonably easier that way; i still think i still dont have my own transportation because of her. i really dont want to be this way, but im angry at her, more angry at myself for being childish.

the only godly thing that keeps me going right now is listening to cat steven's song "trouble"

so yes, my missing the metrolink has triggered me to be over-the-top furious and saddened at the same time. i cried over it, over everything, over the notion that I cannot do everything, that I cannot be the person that others expect out of me, that I am no longer strong to uphold myself anymore, that I am not myself anymore.

plus, I got fuckened sunburned and tan.
its just me, my sunburned skin, and cat stevens tonight.
major downtime.

second thought

this looks good too

9:36 pm

art riley - clam forks
so I still havent really started my essay for art history
bah!!


class reg is manana at 8:30 am
OH at 10:30
first class at 11:00

i practiced on my cantonese, sluggishly
i ate noodle, steak was good

I WATCHED DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES season finale!!
not as intense as grey's anatomy (or was it some other show?) and coraline (movie)

so im getting a haircut soon
a very short one
my long dangly hair does not satisfy me anymore

i went to my disc for atm, i was sweaty
i was late
i rushed
i was sweaty

okay time to start on my thesis

pandora-ed *nsync

im seriously in sync with the music playlist
im really a 90s kid
right now
listening to 98 degree "hardest thing" - is that even the title??

writing paper as i rocked out my pink gummy earbuds

a very lazy sunday

slept at 10 pm
and i finally and completely woke up at 12:20 am today
my eyes were bugged out
practice on my colloquial cantonese

my bro and i attempted to make mini steaky honboubaau
and i thought i broke the blender, the smoothie was seedy

but i'ved hulu
and uploaded pic on fb

class registration is manana
still unsure

to do: art hist ppr

chill monday

steven sharp nelson. cello man. homeward bound. look him up.

so i've been watching tv shows online all night =]]]

i hope to wake up early in the morning to do my actual work.

i want to take ess senior thesis and write more about hydrothermal vents. im excited for that. my registration window opens next week.

this is gonna be a long one

I thought I take this opportunity to write
so today
I am disappointed in myself; I did not study late into the night so I can get a fricken C+ on my atmosphere midterm
but what's done is done
I should not solely focus on my falling short because I accomplished so much today; I got my terrestrial hw and 114 lab done.
SO now, I just have to stay on top

I went to pilates, it was a tremendous workout, and I enjoyed it. I am thinking to do more pilate workout in my apt and not singly rely on my paid gym class to actually get a workout. My arms will definitely be sore by 2mrw =]

I was looking forward to hang out with my friends after pilates because I haven't seen them all together less than a week ago, but they went ahead w/o me. I was sad that they left me out, but I did not tell them to wait up for me, I told them that I'll call after pilates to check where they were at. So, no one is at fault here. The thing that suprised me was that Jerome was with them; I am nonetheless happy for him and for us. I wish I hung out with them, but there is nothing wrong just hanging out by myself, to have some down time and of course, to catch up on myself, meaning I am watching online tv shows. i am best at what i dobedo
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My uncle is coming back 2mrw and I am excited to see him this weekend, which is mother's day!! I am hoping I can go to costco soon and buy one of their beautiful flowers for mi momma. I am still deciding where to celebrate the event. I am also excited to see my friend(s), even if we have to ride the bus =] I havent been bussing for a while.

so earlier, I skimmed through my blog and I was either ranting about frazzle or my parents. I am afraid that I have to go see a shrink to "talk it out" and to confront my anger/fears to them, because right now, I do not want to. I must admit I do think about it sometimes but I rather right now to let the emotions simmer. However, I do want to say: Despite my flare against their attitude, I do not hate them. I just hate what happened between us; my parents and I; my friend and I.
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back to today
i smelled a smelly, BO, raunchy smell professor, SO GROSS
and i like wearing my small bra
and i want to get a subscription of glamour for this year
and i like reading newsweek
found out that christian science monitor is not really a christianized periodical
and i like taylor swift.

you belong to me betch