IM ALMOST DONE WITH MY PAINTIING!!!

I'LL provide pics later.

almost almost

its almost my 21st bday
im not as almost done with my senior exhib
my senior exhib deadline is almost coming
finals are almost here

but what's here as of now is the bought rubber rain booties
they're lovely
and forest green colored
just lovely

im thinking maybe if work on my painting mw 1-5, then i do not have to go back to irvine on my bday to work on it, but probably the next day, which is a saturday
its due next monday =]
im pretty psyche

i took my physics midterm II
and i think i did aite
i think
i wasnt so anxious like the first time around
i sure hope my effort reflects on my score

im watching brothers & sisters. its late. 1.24 AM

"face the truth. it takes so much energy running away from it."

i have this invisible weight on my shoulders. its gonna be week 7 and i didnt even start painting for my senior ex. yet. i don't even have a set idea --- not even a drawing on ppr. ugh, my vision is so damn unclear. or its all up in the air, that i dont even know where to begin. i should just lock myself in a room and hopefully get something down, on paper.

and i really want to excel in physics. im not saying it cuz just to have something in mind, im saying it so i can really prove to myself that im smart enough to get an A on something sciency/math related. I always get Cs. there i said it. i want it badly. and um, i got a C for my midterm grade. im still angry with myself. i studied man, but not enough. i want to stay on top of physics and i want to produce a great masterpiece for my ex. and

ugh, dont get me started on my drawing class. i think i have so much on my hands, i cant hold it all. but i need to stop whining, and start doing something, at a more efficient, speedier pace.

so as for 2mrw,
i will
buy color pencils
take roomie's bf to metrolink
get a fucken masterful sketch down once and for all
finish ch 25 problems
cont on my response ppr
sketch my 'perspective' drawing
and poop =]

I WANT TODAY TO BE OVEEEEEEER!!!

I HATE MY DRAWING CLASS!

prof gave me a rough critique
so i didnt follow directions
because first they were confusing
and second of all, i didnt go to class last thursday
so fuck the professor.

i asked her to clarify what she said, and she got upset at me for that? i should be the one who gets mad! sure i didnt go to class last thurs and therefore missed out on her directions, but that doesn't give her the right to embarrass me in front of my peers. i didnt know shit!!

look, if prof told me in the beginning that i didnt follow directions and not waste any of our time, fine, i get it, i won't be upset about that.
but she put the spotlight on me and made me look like the blubbering idiot.
i don't even understand the fucken assignment, i don't do abstract art. i do realism.
i wanna run out of the classroom. i was gonna tear up so bad, but i held it in until after 1 hour and 30 more mins of class left and after my physics discussion i had after.

it's exhausting to hold it all in. i didnt wanna look like more of a wimp to my peers, i should've stood up to prof, but i didnt, i was shocked at her uncalled manners.

i shouldve said: the reason why many of my peers ask the same dumb ol question is because they do not understand it!! if one, and another, and more people dont get it, then you are at fault, not us! fuck and i wasnt in class last thurs, how many times should i say it!?

prof later in class asked me i were in class last thurs, UMM NO DUMB SHIT, CUZ I DID THE STUFF YOU TOLD THE CLASS LAST THURS TO NOT DO. jeez. i dont mind that she has her favorites, whatever, i can suck it up, but ugh, i will not tolerate her putting me down. i wanna punch her in the neck.

Third week!!

and next week is fourth week. which means middies time!!

i got a raise =]

my art exhibition is called: where's my pickles? i will do a painting. a big assh one. on cardboard. im delighted. its due 9th-10th week. i need to get started, starting next week, of course. please come to my show if you can.

i just dl lady gaga's album. she's fabulous.

i heard michael jackson's this is it. it's a truly beautiful song.
now im listening to mj's music and me.

im going to see wayne thieubaud's art work in the norton simon museum. im ecstatic.

my gram's bday partay is this friday at 6 pm

i wanna buy some lipstain

"save me from myself"

on and off stuffy/drippy nose. not a happy camper. finally slept at 3 am, semi peacefully. 8 am class. biked. walked a little. tense thighs. 25 minutes late. most the time did not listen to my prof droning voice. biked back. ate breakfast. walked to 10 am class. gave presentation. was a disaster. i need to practice public speaking. walked back and crashed. desperate housewives.

so now im just chilling b4 my drawing class. and then afterwards, physics disc. 2 done. 2 more. just chilling and recuperating.

kristindramacouch is over and done with last week. new roomie is in.
seems like every week i go back to irvine, my stuff moves around w/o prior acknowledgment. annoyed.

------------
i dont know how to respond to your last fb response wendy. i know you expected me to go with you, so im sorry for letting you down. the reason why i was so damn iffy for the longest time was b/c i was figuring out my class schedule (which is done) and figuring out along with my other frds when we're gonna celebrate another person's bday, and yeah, its decided this weekend. so im staying in irvine this weekend.

its late, i know.

so im behind on my work
but i'll catch up soon enough.

today is free museum day. i went to natural history museum of LA county with my broho and it was fun. i paid $6 so we could see live spiders in a clear b0x-cage in the front room, and have golden silk spiders (?) dangling above our heads in the back room. scaaaaaaaaary. it was so worth not catching up on my homework. pssh, its week 2 ahora. don't have a cow with me.
we also visited the calif sci center for a tad bit - it wasn't so exciting there, but the exposition park is a sight. traffic was not so bad as i thought it would be. so happy me. after we got back home, washed car, celebrated mooncake festival at lincoln rest. with fam.

friday night, when i got back home and snuggled in my bed, i felt it - fall season. i know that it started in late september, but I did not feel it until that night. tis the season to bundle up and mix match out in the cold, and to sip hot cocoa cross-legged --- amazing. the season to look forward to dark, sweet halloween; to oven-warm, tasty thanksgiving, to bustling, yet quiet wonderful winter night; and to a new year and old memories, of course.

i hope i'll wake up to the coldest day. hope your day will be jolly.

ps recently, im DL a lot of songs. its insane. its fabulous. im fabulous. good night.

listening to "can't hold us down"

so i pooped
and afterward, i felt wonderful.
the solid waste was in my system for a while, and now its gone.
wonderful.

5 ppl are in the apt, everybody is doing hw or something
hehe

i hit 3 art gallery in one night with 2 friends
it was fun

physics time

buyanddownload =]

helloooooooo
so my frd told me about this russian webbie and i can download almost each song for $0.09!!! i went frenzy wenditz, i completed all the old britney spears song i always wanted, i just started on christina aguilera, im so excited. i got all taylor swift's songs.

its friday - angry little girl

I rcvd a semi-rude email from kristin and yeah, that pretty much flipped me over. I then reply back to her with a long assh email. i hope she enjoys reading it.

and kristin found a potential replacement and showed her the apt around, and jerome was there, and he likes the new girl, and he decided for all of us that she can live with us. im a little upset for his rash decision but i look forward to this new girl - her name is vanessa. i hope she doesnt smell and i hope she's not weird like, well, you know.

i was willing to let go of my closet to the new girl, but jerome also further told the new girl that she can use my desk for a while since she has a desktop. i do not like that decision - its my desk, and i let them put their stuff on it, but i dont wanna hand it over to the new girl - i havent even met her.

PARTS OF OBAMA'S SPEECH TO SCHOOLERS

THE FOLLOWING ARE OBAMA'S SAYINGS THAT MAKES MY BRAIN CELLS WIGGLE. it uplifts me to go study, again, and harder, for united states' sake. =]

"At the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.
Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future. "

"But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals. "

"So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country? "

---BARRACK OBAMA, 2009


possible careers:

• Cool Forester
• House of Reppers
• Ear Specialist
• 
  

"OMIGAH OMIGAH YOU GUYS"

i love love love the UPS guy wenditz. hils wendy HILS!! his dance, fast, confident dance moves were just too much to handle! too bad i started feeling diarrhea-roma after 15 minutes of intermission, of course. i farted too, thankfully the musical cast were screaming at the top of their lungs when i farted. haha. it was a loud whoooooooomp - i surprise myself sometimes.
anywho, went back to apt with roomies and broho, and used my friend's bike to ride over to my ahem late night office and yeah, did my duty there. i was all pooped out, from doing it and carrying the heavy bike up and down stairs.

wendy, i would love to go to the la fair. i hope it doesnt end soon. and hmm what about aids walk this year?

a week worth of dishings

today haha a guy shouted at me if i know how to drive. of course i do. it was mostly my fault since I did not double check both ways - i dont know why, but whenever im in the driver's seat, i feel like i have to be in a rush to get from point a to point b, i suppose that's why i prefer to drive in the freeway than by local streets. so that guy unfortunately happened to be in the crossroad with me, but lesson learned, i need to chill out, and double efficiently check the road next time. also, he could've slowed down when he saw my car sort of blocking his way, but he chose not - so we both made false assumptions, so what, we still living and breathing. we both learn that not all drivers are perfect, and so we move on and let it go.
i could understand his pov: he didnt need to brake if i wasnt in the way, but i was in the way, and he, as a result, he didnt dealt with it in the best manners. so whatevers to the fat man.

------------------------------
WASHINGTON STATE - breath-taking place, literally. i sucked all the fresh, crisp air into my congested lungs - loves it.
hanging out with my uncle wasn't so rad. the stuff i bought was from the garage sales we went to - we visited 4 or 5 of them around my uncle's neighborhood - nice-looking, inexpensive things. i bought: 4 small glass jam jars for $1; mrs doubtfire vhs for $1; clam mirror for $1; a cute floral container for $0.25. it's fabulous.
I expected more adventure at Washington, but yeah, not really. we did go to Canada for a day, explored Chinatown and gave a dollar to an active money seeker/homeless person and she asked for more. ha!
pretty much, i ate a whole lot upnorth. i didnt care so much for the food, i wanted to explore the forest, and i did for a little while thanks to a person i met, i call him uncle sam, he's a family friend, he was in the la marathon and finished it, 26.2 miles!! crazy. and he was prob in his 50s that time. craaaazy. now, he's a natural runner. i went hiking with him, 3 miles in a forest park reserve, and he went super walking fast, i had to do many little runs to keep up with him. jeezes. i didnt get to take much forest picture as i wanted to, but am grateful for his physique and kindness in taking me out.
so the trip was whatever, but boy, was the sight amazing. i wanted to sit and hang out at the site for a while longer, but my uncle has other plans in mind, so that's why i didnt enjoy it as much as i wanted to. i was counting down the days, that's how much i wanted out, sad to say.

so another lesson learned: never go out of town with my uncle, he's no fun.

someday i'll buy a house up there and chill on my own behalf.
----------------------------
i heard that kanye west dissed taylor swift, what a knucklehead. someone should teach him out to shut up. wished his mom wasnt gone.

its difficult to breathe when you're scared

its like im taking many mini, hard, small breathes, its like i kinda i forgot how to breathe. maybe it's because all of the house windows are shut closed to prevent the heat from coming in.

my mom went to an acquaintance's wedding yesterday and she got all glam-ed up.
today, when she returned from work, she told me that my dad did a minor damage to her car; it seems as if there is a thin, shallow cut or mark across the surface on one of the car's door, probably done by a sharp instrument, like a car key.
perhaps he saw her yesterday night getting into her car- he lives in the front house and he usually peers outside his window, which i dislike. perhaps he did his bad deed before my mom went to work the next day. there is no proof, just her gut feelings. i can't help but wonder if her claims are true.
that is why im scared, because her statement might be true. after my mother told me about the incident, i thought about the most scariest harm he can do to her, or vice versa. I'm worried of what might happened if my mom ever does give him the divorce document - im scared for her and our lives.
I hate that I have to think in this survival mode, but I can't help it. I'm paranoid, for the right reasons; i'm upset, due to my assumptions about my father's behavior.

------------
However, I do not doubt my assumption so much. I know my dad has erratic behaviors. One day he's silly and laughable, the next, he's in his little world, talking to himself in an enraged manner, as if he's talking to another who upset him, in front of me and my brother. He has done some rude gestures toward others, purposely. And he's selfish, whether he knows it or not.

I wanted to put this out there, just in case.

life definition

speechless - washington

perhaps i overreacted on my last blog

I was backing up my laptop and i looked over the photos of me and my friend and i remember i had a blast with her during those picturing taking days. but im still aware of what happened the other day. i still dont know why she didnt call us up one by one and tell us she was here. guess i'll never know.

its hot. my bro and i plugged in the (un)portable a/c and now our living room is more livable. we need to unscrew the heater, its bringing the heat into the house. im really excited in moving into a new house. i think by next month we'll start hunting down houses. i hope this doesnt ruin my fin aid. i'll have to ask.

so i have 17 more classes i need to pass. and study abroad. and internship. yessum. happyface.

eminem - beautiful

so i've watched more movies. harry potter goblet of fire, 500 days of summer, julie and julia, and father of the bride ( yeah, i finally have the movie!!).

so a couple of days ago, after midnight-ish, i thought my plan was crystal clear - to metrolink my way down to downtown LA to see my dear friend right before she leaves and then afterward, will return back to irvina. i did make it to the train station. i did board it.but i had this awful gut feeling that I shouldn't have gone - that this plan is gonna invisibily blow up in my face, and i was right.

Friend, if you are reading this, i'm sorry again to have put you AND especially myself through this insane meet up. I havent heard nor seen you all summer, and I crazy missed you. This is what happens when my heart grows fonder, is that even a word?

Upon arrival and impatiently waiting for her arrival, and fidgeting my phone, I became restless and angry. I was not upset that she was late, actually, I was a little, but the fact that I have blinded myself and her giving me, shall i say illusion, to what we have, but the proper phrase is: what we used to have.

Referencing 500 days of summer, I am the hopeless loverboy, and she is the so called heartbreaker. It has become so damn clear to me yesterday - I love her more than she does to me, or something along that line. I've been caught up with my liking to her joyful spontaneity and lame yet witty charm, that I don't see how she sees me, now. I know, i know, she is just a friend, but knowing me, I value long-term relationship, so this was a big one to me.

Let me break it out to you: If I was really her friend, I would've been updated about her whereabouts, by her, not through a mutual friend (its not that hard to facebook). If I was really her friend, she wouldn't leave me hanging (again, facebook).

ANd all this time, boy do I feel foolish. All these pieces are adding up. haha, im such a genius in solving this puzzle.

I don't regret ever meeting her. She was a huge part of my high school days. so I wish her the best in whatever she pleases. It's hard to let go, but I'm doing it and living my life to my wishes.

If you're curious if we did actually meet up, we did; 15 minutes or so. I appreciate her going along with the plan, I just wish she wasn't so damn nice, its pretty inconsiderate, you know? haha. SO yesh, my farewell to her was the end of my little fantasy, of what little we have left, of it.

Riding back to Irvina, I have this NEW profound love for the friends I have acquire, for the ones I still have around - and I have to go through this much trouble to realize what I have. Now this I don't regret. Good night.

btw, my right jaw area is always twitching up, it kinda hurts. the freaken removal of my wisdom teeth triggered this slight pain. my mother told me that lately, she hears me grinding my teeth!! insane!!

keys found

they were in my OTHER bag
i forgot i have another bag besides that blood colored one

SO went to the dentist
got my stitches remove
i can eat now
------------------------
i really wanted to go to washington
for the longest time
i also want to drink old tire up north
whose up for grabs

jonas-ing

hey, i like the song. its cute, no?

okay so im freaking out cuz i cannot seem to find my CAR KEYS!!!
the last time i drove was into the drive way of my house. i thought i left it at my 'desk' of junk but i cant find it anywhere in the mess. maybe my mom has a hold on it? idk. she wouldve told me ahead of time? i got my wisdom teeth yanked outta me on sunday, so i havent driven for the past 3 days. it seems like the days has blurred. sad huh?

im really worried, i cant find the keys. must tell mommy.

I SAW IT!

I saw a streak of fast light!!!!
woohooooooooooooooooooooooooo
now i must wake up at 4 am to see it again =]

stuck at home: watching movies

i watched these movies through video cassette/youtube =]
i was supposed to watch ET tonight but i will push it back until manana cuz im currently watching mannequin 2
i remember watching the movie 'mannequin' when i was younger
so re-watching it brings back good memories =]
i've been wal-marting online - i wanna buy all kind of movies!!! i havent yet cuz i feel like i have to control my spending ways
buuuuut watching them do make me happy =]

also, i havent bought these ae shorts, sigh, they've been bag listed for days now!! what shall i do!!
-------------
so im also done reading with the julia butterfly hill book
my cheeks have de-swollen by 6% now

my cheeks!!!

orangutan cheeks!!
i have to go back to my dentist to remove the stitches
i cant even see the stitches in my mouth cuz my poofy cheeks are in the way, man

saturday: DC, sushi rama, brugger

That's right. A DC coin. I just found out today. You see, my mother collects them. She even has her own booklet that holds all the coins individually. She told me that the booklet has fifty coin spots. So she asked me if DC is also a state. and its a no. but the coin looks cool.

I went to gin-sushi for dinner - there's this calif roll with lobster bits gravy that smothered the roll - i felt smothered after one bite. its at pasadena, its worth the money.

i signed up for the brugg literacy prgm to teach others engrish since i dont have summer school anymore =]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

confession: i watch hannah montana episodes

FIRST OFF, THEY'RE FUNNY!! she is a good actress, but i dont know about a good role-model

my friend/roomie/cat came over this week and it was fun =]
even though i had finals earlier on this week
i wish i had a spare camera to use
i want to show you my 'living room' - its a room full of mattresses now, 4 to be exact
usually i dont get my 8 hours of sleep and eat a pyramid of healthy food AND HAVE A CLEAN APT whenever im with them, BUT WHAT THE HEY, they make my college experience so much en-riching

I still havent seen harry potter
i hope jerome netflix it soon hehe
it sucks to have such a small television now, but what can we do

i made brownies ayer, and some of them are lovely bricks
i am going to eat it soon with strickland's vanilla ice cream -----------------zee best wenditz!

school is over
im so happy
i get fin aid
me happier

i want to buy more shorties

i have a friend who is verbally abused by her bf
i hate to see her in this hopeless position
although i am not at her level, im scared i might just be like her
so if ever a guy is pinpointing me, im calling my girls, esp you wenditz, to be my brains and figure the shizz out
no guys should ever put down a girl, unless she's legitably dumb
neverrr

i still need to pack
boo
first the ice cream with brownies


listening to: hannah montana: butterfly fly away (its a cute song, i promise!!!)
will read: the legacy of luna/harry potter books??????? nah.... haha

in the computer lab

People are actually in here, using the computer lab.
probably b/c its 2:38 pm, instead of 9 pm
I got out of work early so I can prepare myself to study =]
i cant believe next week is the LAST week

i was thinking maybe i should take summer session two, but FORGET IT
i will be working nonstop during that time
and perhaps i can finally paint again
i need my paint brushes from jenny
what a prick, she mustve lost them
they lost a handful, prob $50

im going to go ice skating 2mrw at my friend's bday party
yays

dear friend

you better have changed your cell phone number by now

so this is what i read from glamour mag (august 2009 issue):
titled: stalking: are you safe

1) don't be lax about your e-security
give only close friends access to your facebook page and twitter feed. be choosy about who receives your email address
2) be firm with pesky guys
if a guy is contacting you and you're not interested, "reply - just once - to his text or email, 'don't text me,' period. don't give him a glimmer of hope" says detective deirdri fishel, a domestic violence specialist with the state college police dept. in Pennsylvania.
3) know when to change your passwords
"if you break up with someone who's angry or difficult, reset your passwords, even if you think he doesn't know them," says alexis moore, founder of survivors in action, a nonprofit that helps crime victims.
4) print, record, gather evidence.
if you're being harrassed, be sure to print emails, take a pic of your computer or cell phone screen, save voice mail messages - perserve every piece of pertinent communication immediately. "The instinct is to hit delete, but that makes the case much harder to prosecute," says fishel.
5) report it
"the pattern i hear over and over from women is 'it started out annoying, and then it became creepy ... and then it became scary,'" says fishel. don't ignore your instincts, and if something triggers your inner alarm, call a domestic violence hotline (try 800-799-7233) or the police, and ask for a special victims officer. "never feel silly reporting something," says seattle dective mark jamieson. "we can help keep you safe."

you may reach out to me anytime and you know that
you are not alone in this, you have family, friends, and neighbors, and the law, to protect and support you
don't talk to that douche no more
take care, Linda

what a jerk

I hate impatient drivers. Maybe I had a bad first impression with them when i first started to drive again. haha. who knows. this driver kept honking at me <-- what a jerk, s/he does not read signals nor signs.
whatevers, im moving on.

---------------------------------
today is hot.
and im lazy today to go out anymore.
i was supposed to meet up with my friends but one is 7-11-ing and the other idk. i dont really mind at this point. but i am hungry. =[

day after july 4th

fourth of july at my cousin may's house in the gazebo =]
i love the juicy steak
the big dog surprisingly did not bark at me or anyone of us, maybe it got tired of being grouchy
and i found out that my other cousin's dog is very needy, a pretty digusting personality
oh shit, i must drive over to michelle's house to drop off the lease termination contract!! eek!
i have a midterm this wednesday, i havent started my math hw
nor my upper division blog
my dad is loaded with watermelons
im afraid i might get tired of eating them
---------------------------------------------
i realized that i have been taking our friendship for granted, you for granted, and i apologize, i suck, i know i suck. i'll try to be a better friend to you wenditz. i cant wait to hear about the proposal!!!!!!!

i lalala love it

today is hot. i saw my friend cat and her nice family. theyre nice. they have a nice house. they have nice stuff in every corner and nooks and crannies in their house.

i am absolutely happy about my life ahora. except the part where my mom has a benign tumor. i believe that we can get through it and will appreciate health and love a lot more. i know i will.

i have math hw due 2mrw. and im 1/5 done.

last note: driving in the freeway is fuuun.

my car, 1983 bmw 528e

final exam week

Tuesday - Atm
Thursday - Art hist ppr, terr. hydrology
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmm its gonna be 12 soon
2 hours--- brainstorm/jot art hist
2 hours --- terrhydro
and as long as it takes for atm

meet marion cotillard, she's a cutie

delish noodle soup after lab practical

i think i did well on my physics lab final
i worked all night on my ess field work lab excel report, and i didnt turn it in cuz i did one mistake.
so back to soup, i added: peeled cut red potatoes, chopped cilantro and green onions, sliced roma tomato, rice noodle. ingredients: salt, pepper, garlic salt, chicken broth. YUM. really. its YUM.

i cant wait to cook up:

http://closetcooking.blogspot.com/2009/03/cilantro-and-lime-rice.html

meiko - under my bed

i really wanna see it, i will on june 13th, i'll just convince susan to watch this instead of night at the museum.


i cannot find the official music video, but here you go. its a lovely song, this is my song of the week.
so today work was hectic, b/c deadlines were due, and b/c i was by myself doing all of the work. but i got it all done, surprisingly.

afterwards, i went to the library. i havent been there for ages. and i got some work done. now i must study for physics lab.

---------------
i attempted to cook fried chow fun a couple of hours ago, but this time, with cilantro, no sprouts, and its goooood, i think its even better. i have yet to sizzle some marinated meat. i think i will cook some noodle soup manana with kriskris, with potatoes, i wonder how that will work out. hehe

so today, i did something i shouldn't have done, and i saw something i shouldnt have seen. haha, too funny and too explicit to write down; its best told in person, trust me.

le sigh.

meet kylie minogue's boytoy/fiance, andres velencoso.

le sigh.

chinese food

so today i attempted to cook cabbage chow fun, and it was aite. so next time, i will try to cook beef chow fun.
my next mission
stir fry some garlic with snow pea veggies
i need to get me some rice wine

update on movie

i did not get to finish watching "new in town" b/c the dialogue somehow in part two was in spanish.
so im thinking to netflix

helium air balloon, movie night

i rode in the orange county helium air balloon at night doing a ess independent project!! i will go back 2mrw to resume work. =]


i watched the movies in order from last to first
i absolutely loved watching he's just not that into you with my friends and the audience at HIB 100. everybody was so into the movie, loooooved it!!
i fell in love with watching some kind of wonderful - i dont understand the title though, but the main guy has lovely hair
and i always wanted to watched new in town, not finished though

looking back

meet maggie q. she is very pretty.

so since i watched all of the shows' season finale, i decided to watch some good ol hong kong movies, and i saw lady iron chef =]

and i havent opened my atm book yet =]]
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okay, so a couple days ago, i was sobbingly ugly and angry. at myself. that i was not able to meet my expectations. boy am i rough on myself. it really was not a big deal b/c there was another metrolink, but scheduled at 6 pm... i couldve taxi-ed my way there. and i had a lovely time with everybody this weekend, even though some plans didnt go through smoothly. and my mom was graciously patient with my impatience - haha. i grudgingly apologized to her b/c i was trying to figure out why the hell i was giving a fit. its like she understood what im going through which is amazing, i wondered if i'll ever have the endurance to uphold myself to my kids someday.

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last night, i browsed the internet for hydrothemal vents internship AND I FOUND One, at columbia univ. im not sure if it is only for students there. its summer internship. im hoping i can do it next summer
shoot, i have to prepare my study abroad soon, im afraid i will get food nasea
and i need to buy some bras wendy.

im home

my eyes are bugged out
my skin is healing
i need to reapply sunblock every 2 hours

still listening to troubles , good deed list 1

i woke up in time and arrive to my internship in time
met some cool people
bill knows my name
ate amazing food at gallo's
had fun with hannah even though we had to do hard labor
washed dishes
packed and ready to go
sunburn is taken care of
cooked delicious pancakes

and will apologize to my mother
and be thankful for friends i have
and to kick myself in the butt
and to move on to happier days

trouble, set me free . . . i just have to go there

8th week of spring 2009

i watched ugly betty season 2 hour finale ayer
and its bittersweet to the very end;
betty is a wreck b/c two guys are pulling her heart string
matt is a wreck b/c his first love failed him and become very unbecoming
henry is a wreck b/c he is hot shit and is with the wrong person
daniel is a wreck b/c the love of his life passed away
marc is a wreck b/c he never seem to catch a break
claire is a wreck b/c she is reminded of her other child
justin is a wreck b/c he did not get into the school of his dreams

and i am too a wreck
not only from watching such heart wrenching tv episodes
but seeing only failure today; i missed the metrolink. If I only had less fear of upsetting Bill, then I would have made it in time, If I had not eaten at Gallo's, I would have made it in time, If i had not wasted five minutes in trying to figure out the street direction, I would have made it, If I had not made any damn plans with ppl back in the city, then I would not have stressed about it, If I had only put myself first, I would not be in this terrible situation and be agitated with myself.

Lately, I have been putting up shit from others and I let it go and not make a big deal out of it, but it is a big deal. a BIG DEAL. when are things going to go in my own terms? why do i always think about other people rather than my own needs? I always thought I was selfless this way. perhaps this means that i find value in my life through others as a reminder that it is still worthy to live. or possibly this means i rather focus on other people than my owns because thinking about my life in the pp&f is unbearable. you know i had a difficult adolescent time that i am still unable to get over and that i believe i am going to find a job that i hate but need in order to support my separated parents, shy ridden brother, and susan.
gandalf form lotr said: "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"
which g means to say is to not ponder on what led to the situation, but to deal with it. however, i cant stop wondering about the past because it is the only thing i know. i acted like a huge brat to my mother over the phone because I wanted to be angry at her because it was unreasonably easier that way; i still think i still dont have my own transportation because of her. i really dont want to be this way, but im angry at her, more angry at myself for being childish.

the only godly thing that keeps me going right now is listening to cat steven's song "trouble"

so yes, my missing the metrolink has triggered me to be over-the-top furious and saddened at the same time. i cried over it, over everything, over the notion that I cannot do everything, that I cannot be the person that others expect out of me, that I am no longer strong to uphold myself anymore, that I am not myself anymore.

plus, I got fuckened sunburned and tan.
its just me, my sunburned skin, and cat stevens tonight.
major downtime.

second thought

this looks good too

9:36 pm

art riley - clam forks
so I still havent really started my essay for art history
bah!!


class reg is manana at 8:30 am
OH at 10:30
first class at 11:00

i practiced on my cantonese, sluggishly
i ate noodle, steak was good

I WATCHED DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES season finale!!
not as intense as grey's anatomy (or was it some other show?) and coraline (movie)

so im getting a haircut soon
a very short one
my long dangly hair does not satisfy me anymore

i went to my disc for atm, i was sweaty
i was late
i rushed
i was sweaty

okay time to start on my thesis

pandora-ed *nsync

im seriously in sync with the music playlist
im really a 90s kid
right now
listening to 98 degree "hardest thing" - is that even the title??

writing paper as i rocked out my pink gummy earbuds

a very lazy sunday

slept at 10 pm
and i finally and completely woke up at 12:20 am today
my eyes were bugged out
practice on my colloquial cantonese

my bro and i attempted to make mini steaky honboubaau
and i thought i broke the blender, the smoothie was seedy

but i'ved hulu
and uploaded pic on fb

class registration is manana
still unsure

to do: art hist ppr